(no subject)

My head's all over the place. I've spent most of the day trying to get in touch with Mob's friends and breaking the news and it's been awful. I've had people crying, people shouting at me, people obviously avoiding me because they've had a bunch if texts from his other friends and guessed and don't want to have it confirmed. It's on Facebook now, people I don't know posting pictures of them together and talking about breaking down in the middle of London. I think the word is out and any that don't know will find out very soon. I hope. I just don't want to miss anybody.

One of his best friends, who i do know, is coming back to Hull tomorrow from London, she's been face booking me all evening. As far as I know, his friends are all still at the pub swapping stories.

My aunts both turned up unexpectedly this evening, they drove up from Hertfordshire, four hours drive and knocked on the door. Jennie is too upset to come round and talk to them, I keep nearly crying but fighting it off.

I made coffee earlier and forgot to put the coffee in. Then I was getting me and my dad a drink and I couldn't find his glass that was staring at me from the middle of the cupboard. Then I poured one and couldn't find the other one that was again right in front of me. I don't think my brain is working right.

I'm taking a few days off work. They've been very supportive.

My mum is coming home tomorrow, she's been on holiday in Croatia, only got there yesterday, she's cut it short, not surprisingly.

What a fucking mess. And now there's a funeral to organise and I'll have to ring everyone again.

I'm going to get drunk now.

My brother doing a cover of Live Like A Warrior by Matisyahu

RIP Mob

(no subject)

I got a call today that nobody ever wants to get. I've spent the past hour delivering the same call to various other people.

My brother, Matthew died last night.

We don't know yet what happened. I have a whole host of yucky details that there is really no point sharing on here, but what I suspect it boils down to is that he was taking a lot of opiates, and he took too many, vomited in the night and choked. I don't know this for certain, of course, we will have to wait for the results of the post mortem before we really know what happened, but he had been in a lot of pain with a sinus infection for the past week, and I know he had been self medicating, because that's what addicts do.

The think is, he had seemed a lot better recently. I know he was taking the codeine and the dihydracodeine and the morphene, and fuck knows what else. He said it didn't help and he was going to stop. Whether he did or not I don't know. He was supposed to be going to the doctor today to possibly get ore antibiotics or else something to help.

So, my dad found him. He was heading out to work, called up to say bye and didn't get a reply. He went up to check on him, and he was already cold. He called the ambulance, called me and my sister. I came home from work and we were interviewed by the cops and the ambulance guys. Apparently my dad had no idea who much stuff he was taking, I ended up doing most of the talking.

They started asking about funeral directors. He didn't know any, I knew one because they are customers at work, so I went with them, they came to collect him, and right now he is in the morgue. They gave me the opportunity go go up to his room and see him, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to see him like that.

Now I have no idea what to do. I'm writing in my blog, for fucks sake. I'm blasting out Alkaline Trio because they were his favourite band as well as mine. I called his work and told them that he wouldn't be going in. I blindsided them a bit, and the girl that answered the phone, his manager, started crying and then hung up. She called back later, as did the owner. I've been calling his friends, but the problem is I don;t know most of them. Some he's known since school and I know them, Matt Simpson I called first, because I know he's been hanging out with him recently, then his friend Zeikk, but I couldn't get him. I got Rob Green, whose home he was at when he was taken ill last week. I can't get anyone else, I don;t know which of his contacts are his friends and which are casual acquaintances or even dealers. Though I think they are his friends too. Fuck I don't know. Matt and Rob are both ringing people for me though, so the word will get out.

Fucking waste of a life. He was literally the most intelligent person I knew, one of the most loyal, and he wasted it all on drugs.

The cops asked did I think it was suicide. It wasn't, I know that for a fact, because he showed me this video he made.